What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 02:01
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Do you think this Labour Party is qualified to run our country?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
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I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
What is the most heartbreaking or sad love story that you ever had (experienced)?
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was scared of men, in general
I was seconnd youngest,
Do very hot men ever feel attracted to an ugly woman? Why?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
What is your review of "Regent", episode 5 of Season 2 House of the Dragon?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
How do you have intercourse with a girl who can remember you for a long time?
I will be 64.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Can a bride cheat on her groom at a wedding?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I want to have anal sex, but my wife refuses. What do I do?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I think the readers, may guess!
Why am I so jealous towards couples? Why am I tired of being single and feel my life is over?
I was 9 years of age.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
When she asked me how she looked .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
(And it was in our own minds.)
What does the Bible say about the Antichrist? How will we know when he arrives on the scene?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She married twice! .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Have you ever had a bad gut feeling about someone and it was right?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Im still living with it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Why do I sweat (mostly on face) when I eat usually spicy food?
We were not on the streets..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We all went to grammer schools
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He resisted the act ,that day.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Put me off passion for life!!
I said to her
And i lived it daily.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Comes on , in middle age.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She loved him until the end.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My family never makes their pension either.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But ive been too sick for many years..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But it wasn’t much.
It was going to be , some day.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I don,t even have a pension.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I have no regrets .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I write beautiful poetry .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
This is soul school!.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She wouldn,t have been !
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My life is so biszare .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Ive learnt so much.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I waited trembling.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
All the time i was locked up.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He knew the spot.
What did i know ?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
So whats the point in blame.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
So, i spoilt her more .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I never cut or harmed myself..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Who then, do I blame.?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She found it foreign!.
I was very sick at this time too.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Where the ultimate outsiders.
One cannot live in the past .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But, we were locked up after school.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She was in good health!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Would this be the day?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .